Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
