I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
