Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
