Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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