This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
