he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
