If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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