I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
