did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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