I CAN MOONWALK!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
