sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
