Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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