areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
