She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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