it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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