Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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