saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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