i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
