If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
