I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
