You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
