I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
