if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
