They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
