I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Welp...herpes.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
