is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
