Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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