you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish you could order shots online.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
