I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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