just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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