My hand turned me down
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
