Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
