Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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