I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
