what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
