I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
