we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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