Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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