it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
