I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
