Pants 0. Shit 1.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
