someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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