His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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