We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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