Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
there is puke in my bra ... again
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
