So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
this is an emotional support booty call
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
