six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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