do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
