Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
