Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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