I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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