i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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