You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
