I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
