I wish I could teleport
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
