I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
