Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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